Tuesday, October 11, 2011

diary; sharing a loo in hospital

now, i am, as you know, highly sensitive BUT sharing a bathroom in hospital is, i don't know whether you already are savvy to this sickening fact, a fucking nightmare.
most tests or interventions or operations either , oh dear how to write this without writing certain words etc, block you up or let you fly loose free into the wild white yonder and essentially, it stinks. they are regularly cleaned but they stink. they might not have been used but they stink. and even if they don't stink, they stink. they are dirty even if they are not dirty and there is, and there always is, a whole big pot of someone else's wee. even if none of you put it there, it grows there. it is part of the bathroom.
i am in italy, and the hospitals here are another story. the bathroom is shower, sink, bidet and toilet all white. brand new, extremely well looked after, cleaned very regularly and just generally lovely. but i am so not enjoying it. i cant stand to hear other peoples number ones let alone number twos let alone someone who is ill's number twos and noooooooooooo to vomit noises.
i cant stand going in there after they have been in there. i cant stand the fact that i am sharing. i find it really hard to go at all if i think someone can hear me so i put the tap on full blast.
i dont' actually admit to going at all, i am like the queen in that way. oh and i have two birthdays. so in two ways. but at this point when the bathroom has been a large feature of my morning, i am fully experienced and highly traumatized by the whole thing. (also the light in there makes me look like a strange ancient lion stone phallus with wrinkles)
three is just no excuse for having to share ever in ones life EVER .trains? kill me. i just get sick from not going. planes? the same. omg. someone else's house ok if i am alone and its a posh house. but even then i panic. and i KNOW its not just me so don't be doing that 'you're paranoid' thing. its such a private thing. hey, why is it called sitting on 'the throne' if we all know the queen doesn't admit to going.... mmm discuss.
its such a dismal subject but i am not the queen and therefore am sharing it.
you know, this ward which is the womens emergency ward, is spotless, modern and there are only three of us. well actually only two of us it would seem there have been no emergencies in the last couple days, and its really, ''nice'' and the food is superb. all this parma DOC ham, packets n packets of it. veal escalopes. bread. grissinis. sorry if i am repeating myself but its just incredible. fresh salads. fruit. but nice fruit. it is extraordinary. they want you to be well. the caring profession IS caring. fancy that!
oh goodness me. i cant stand it. emma, be reasonable...there are sick people in hospital, and sick people bleed, vomit and poop. fact. they cant help it. one has to consider that, at the point when one has put off going for 6 hours. hold your breath and just get on with it. think of roses, hotel suites, good music, great food, no, scrub that one, anything but where you are. think pink. think walrus. think spas. no, scrub that. think mint. yes, mints a good one. thing is, if i breathe thru my mouth so i cant smell it, then i don't like the atoms going in thru my mouth. no win situation. and i lost 17 times so far this morning in the name of some test or other. i am like someone doing the okey-kokey, putting my left foot in, my left foot out..deciding i just cant face it.
sharing loos is just not on. in or out of hospital.