Christmas crisis

Real Christmas crisis!

well the tree is up and superb, the lights are flickering, all 560 of them, the decorations are resplendent... the Christmas dvds are on non stop... it's gorgeous here, and snowing...BUT

i dont know how i have done it but i have run out of PG Tips. i have either 4 or 7 days til i get to UK to replace it ... i dont know what to do. it is a real drama in my life i cannot live without it. i dont know hoe to cope. i am finding myself fantasizing about fortnum and masons afternoon teas and a cuppa with my friends... i have to find some somewhere tomorrow but ' lipton's' will NOT do because it doesn't taste OF TEA! at all.

what on earth will the outcome of this saga see? is this the last of me?
i have never had to endure life without PG Tips for more than an hour or two before...

shall i try methodone?

spending the afternoon with my idol

do you know how many people get to spend an afternoon with their idols?

well i don't but i suspect it's not millions. or even thousands. or even hundreds.

tomorrow i get to do this thru sheer drive. i worked towards it happening and it's happening. i have wanted this since 1991. tomorrow i am going to interview LINDSAY KEMP (genius performer/dancer/director/choreographer/actor) and talk to him. i will write it up for LIVING TUSCANY magazine to which i now regularly contribute. i enjoy it. i met and reviewed james taylor...a wonderful experience with him reading 'girl on fire' (my debut poetry collection) out loud in the street in bologna. i just bumped into him. hundreds of metres from the theatre where he was going to sing and hours before....serendipity. another high from this year.

have you any idea how excited i am? not nervous just excited! cos now i know him. i work with him. i get taught by him. stage craft. his own style of movement and expression which melts totally into my sense of theatre and craft as a performer singer/ mover/ actress/ writer/ painter/ composer/ wit and 'haut-chocolat' reviewer... one gets so bored! i just do what i do

but joking apart, it's a huge thing for me. big honour. i am totally humbled.

since i last chatted to you (not yesterday) and thru various contacts and my PR manager and my personal manager , my website, going on you tube, doing a bit more singing and a bit of modelling i have had my first taste of recognition. i have a facebook page with nearly 5000 followers for which i am incredibly grateful and my books have sold well, one was a best seller on lulu.com! i have written two poetry collections and a novel so far, and am working on my dance more, writing a children's poetry collection and a third adult orientated collection too. i am working on my painting, aware of all i have to learn...i am also working up my singing.

i work fucking hard hours every day and i am a more fulfilled sorted person. i am very prolific and productive. i love it all. and tomorrow....we are doing the long haul to livorno...

think of me xx

missed this

i am starting to blog again. i was advised by my PR manager not to blog but i think it was wrong. maybe he meant dont post unpublished poetry in case someone nicks it, but i am feeling the urge to share with you again every day.what more expression? fuck me !
just back form mass. it was great. i always feel fab after mass.
my faith is growing daily.
i have become a Roman Catholic complete with two godmothers since we last chatted. it was the right move for me. since then everything is coming together...
the magic of knowing the unknowable.
oh, guys, i know!

god spoke to me!

i got up and went out and felt so awful with this 8th day of migraine that i just stopped in the street. i was right outside the most beautiful church i ever saw. i stayed for half an hour. it was just what i needed. i guess it's not that unusual for people to be seen sitting sobbing in church. then mass started ,and the priest blew his nose really loudly RIGHT into the microphone, and i giggled, out loud, so i knew it would all be ok and it was time to go home...

diary; what it is

ok so.... after my 4 hours sleep and M's 6 hours perfection packing... arrived LONDON GATWICK v early, n calm to go home to ITALY.... but so obsessed were they with my moschino key ring they were sure was a bomb....when we got to the point of going to gate to get on the plane....we couldn't. *we were not allowed to board*. too late. finished. missed plane, in order not to scream, or verbally abuse AND I COULD REALLY HARM THOSE BIMBOS/BIMBETTES WITH DAMAGE CAUSED BY MY INSTANT WIT (or burst into tears), and hearing the next plane was tomorrow, i decided we should do nothing for an hour and go to COSTA for a calm down n deep think. his latte; dish water. my double shot cappucino; slurry. our almond croissant; stale. so i politely informed them and they kindly exchanged them all. nope. just same. £7.90. thanks. i love england so much. now we are in lovely hotel adjacent to airport eating delish M&S salad full meals with a bottle claret...so, £250 later, we shall arrive home tomorrow. try again. keep smiling. it's a fucking farce is what it is.

the last supper

jut had the last supper.... plaice parcels with prawns and parsley and green beans and spinache (fresh) and pots and all from garden (not sea food) then banoffee pie ad ice cream and hot choc fudge sauce and profiteroles and coffee. yumyumyum. with champagne to start the  white wine. joy nice. mmm. now the food nazi third reich regime starts again and i eat what i used to eat...then i start to write. to rest. i know that sounds weird this was a holiday. and i start my work again. keep tight in touch with my fab PRM ABW and go for it.
we met such nice ppl this week. i do feel lucky...

why do they do it....

when ppl are in the bathroom or another room and they shout something n you cant hear... why, when you say 'I CANT HEAR YOU' do they do exactly the same thing! you still cant hear them so you say 'i still cant hear you' thinking. repeat performance of whole routine. honestly, though.... -bloody idiot, trying same thing twice.... think about it, thicko- then they GO AGAIN and get cross when you don't hear for the 3rd time n they are by that time actively screaming this inevitably dribbley piece of nothingness at you... 'I SAID! DIDNT THE BIN LOOK LIKE IT HAD BEEN MOVED TO THE RIGHT A BIT AS WE DROVE DOWN THE DRIVE!' oh grr. interchange of doom. makes me feel like my will for continuation of my respiratory functioning and all its exhausting effort has been taken quite from me.

got colder

suddenly today....i was tidying up... unhappy memories....had to go thru a lot of papers n letters n etc....found a really nice pair of scissors... bonus... i think i have a thing for scissors, i have about 7 pairs in each of my rooms at our home in bologna... anyhow... i thought it was just me, been sitting still for hours... but it had suddenly got cold... now its BLOODY COLD and i am about to go crazy-ER

5 pudding day

you know... today i went to a certain chain of restaurants for the average lower brit middle class family (what a concept) and there was not one single thing on the menu i fancied. nothing. the wine was super and generous servings,  pricing, not bad at all. service superb. i will over look my needing to order fresh wine glass. so i had an ice cream sundae :-) which was shit :-(  GRANULATED YELLOW FOOD COLOURED ICE CREAM.not much of it either. SQUIRTY ST IVEL (OR WORSE) 'CREAM' ON TOP and (american style) cookie squidged into it. 3,75! never again. it told one its calorific content. it was 770. haha. nightmare.

then,one went along road in sevenoaks to the george and the dragon pub (only open for two years) and i had, in stead of just a coffee, a coffee and a dessert. the dessert was called ' dark chocolat fondente and pistacchio ice cream' and it was probably the best dessert i ever had. when i put my fork into black/brown small cake shaped thing, out oozed all this thick goo. GLOOP. thick dark brown i would say 80% cocoa solids and a fudgy texture in parts too and it was the most rich glamorous looking pudding you could imagine. my only crit. would be (if i was pushed, and as the price was nothing, under six pounds, maybe even five, i cant recall) that the long plate needed something more than one small round of choc and a rather smaller round of pale green. a drizzle of another colour or cocoa sieved even in a leaf shape or something. but wow. go there. apparently all the food is great. their espressos with whiskey weren't bad either! i oculd have stayed there all evening quite happily and want to take various people there including my father, my other half, mother, my sister .... but not all together, i want one(or four)  to one there with them....

when i got home, and having had two desserts for lunch, i carried on in the same vein and had two desserts for supper then some chocs in bed....start as you mean to go on.

i did. i do. i have. thank GOD for a small waist. hides various seasonal extra indulgences ...haha

light in the hall

the light in the hall

reflects the light years
that came and then went
time spilled and not spent
i should have been there
and not with you all

i get close enough

look up to the moon
to there from here
here's a circle
there's a sphere

maybe there
they'd understand
the solace of a
down's child's hand

or dragging water
over grit
her tears
how they fit into it

no, we don't 'get' this
sort of stuff...

(when i'm sick
i get close enough)

gave the child

gave the child a ball of wool
squidged it
frowned at it
laughed hysterically
sniffed a little
head to one side
final decision, grin at it...

hearts came out
floated all over the floor and around his little bumpy head
he traces them with his huge perfect eyes
thinks everyone can see them
not everyone my darling
just stay mum

gave the child
a fur crocodile
upside down
pick it up
put it down
squeeze it squash it really well
look up at us
sweetest child
pouring my flooding love into you
you and i know that it's true
hearts come out each time we do

falling down like little pink rain drops
he traces them with his huge perfect eyes

gave the child
adoring daddy
loving earth and loving seed
security within anima
all the bits a kid could need

hearts come out to face the evil
hearts negate what has been said
hearts comes out in a crack whore heaven
nulling every void and red
hearts come out because they have to
they have nowhere else to go
people couldn't dream it up for
only you and i can know
hearts comes out because they're in there
and they'll always flick the light
i place them inside you darling
every moment, every night