Sunday, October 9, 2011

diary; i feel they care

so here i am... about the 70th hospital visit in my life...however... now i am in italy, in bologna to be more specific... where there are three of the best hospitals in italy... possibly europe... i feel they care. i mean i feel they truly do want me to get well. to calm me, find the issue , deal with it and watch me before sending me home... i really feel that. this is a first for me.

 in uk i have only had bad experiences of them giving me very little time. often talking down to me. in fact mostly. also clearly not caring whether i got well or not. looking at me as a troublesome patient if i didn't immediately fall into a simple 'broken leg' category they immediately understood. then when they saw me rolling about still in agony, on and off, day in day out (for 24 years) they sent me to a shrink to see if i was in fact imagining it. or doing it for attention. how insulting is that? 

here they can see ones character and mental health (or not) immediately. they are astute , on the ball, helpful, friendly (clearly some more than others but that is life, not hospitals in bologna) and i feel cared for. it doesn't make it less painful of course. but it's a comfort to see one is being noticed in ones pain.

however here we go. i have been put on  special diet before various tests and last night they brought me a crispy green salad with an apple, a packet of proper PARMA ham, grissini, and a veal steak. not difficult to see that food is very important to the italians and they just want to please you. they want to serve you, as they do in restaurants and shops. that is one reason i choose to live here. (AND NOT for the opera which is more or less totally closing down in italy, full of thieves, bad singers and highly nationalistic attitudes  ''you can only sing bel canto if you are italian ''  plus cash hand outs form the agencies for roles . OH YES all true. unless you are massive already, you will have no place here if you are english. i myself have experienced not getting paid for work in italy and being told before i sing, there is no way you could possibly sing verdi or puccini  because you are ENGLISH. forget it go home, back to uk and sing cannot possibly be able to sing puccini'' - erm, i think you'll find i can-  plus 60% theatres have closed thanks to our dear friend and under age kid screwer, mr. berlusconi) anyhow, the point is...i choose to live here cos people are NICE. day to day, people are nice. i don't care about politics. i don't care about opera. i am near an airport. i can fly to work. you have to live somewhere. and england wont ever have me cos i have got a dramatic voice. so, i live here. and the scenery is breath taking and endorphine giving and the art...gasp...

the nurses here are love comes here all day every day and sits while i roll about in pain til they medicate, each time, while i cry at my life of misfortune health wise, he sits and loves while i am ratty and upset and while i sleep . you cant sleep at night in hospitals for people screaming and needing comfort. lights going on and off while people get wheeled about for operations. so i sort of sleep in the day. i say sort of cos of course they poke you to give you medication and feed you and give you injections and take your temperature . once they woke me up to give me a sleeping pill. i do love italians.
unfortunately i have had a flare of my 24 year old condition in here too and caught flu and a chest infection so its not a party of fun but i am in the right place to be cared for. and they do.

i am glad i have a sense of humour . and they do love a filthy joke. and gosh i am so grateful to the italians for giving all this to me free of charge. i am grateful to italy for so much. for finding me the love of my life and the most splendid 16th century apartment and interior design to die for... how lucky am i? i have some big decisions to make here in hospital so...i will need a  few moments of calm but writing today helped me. thank you to anyone who might be bored enough to read this. most people will see its more than three lines long and ignore it which is good cos it sort of ...well, i want those ''sticker'' type people to have me. i am grateful. i feel very humbled by writing. i feel sure 99% of it is total rubbish but its ok. it harms nobody.

lunch soon. joy. i wonder if today they might serve me some claret with it.