Monday, November 28, 2011

take one down the throat

i have deduced
it's the only way
to tread new ground
and do it new
and get there first

shit won
again and again
and again and again and fucking again
its not possible
not when my flower is open
so brave and delicate
in this crack whore world
and scenting the room
with the truth
and with mercy
with grace
and with beauty

and you trod on it
snorting cocaine
as you network
and go on about your golden balls
drinking and sniffing, your hand down your balls
then subtly sniffing when you think nobody is looking
i never missed a trick
not ever

and my work is acclaimed
but not bought yet so much
i couldn't pay for what you paid for
you married a millionaire!
amazing coincidence...
yeah and M never fucked him til they were engaged...haha
must have been gagging for it
you books, copies moving
cos you buy the buying
you pay to be bought
you pay life to love you
live loves me for free

i cant stand it
all i can do
is be real to myself
i trust that old icon
the goddess in white
the statue of smooth female marble
no colder than marble

so we pose for an awards photo
and agents are in there too
and my accompanists
and my easel maker
my paint brush makers too
those who draw me naked
and those who record my songs
ghosts who wrote gorgeous pieces for me to sing all over the world
and those who knew i led much of my life in bed or hospital
those who recorded me and told me the truth
about my ability
elated me
those who filmed me
those who tired to sign me

i am
in tears but with a big strong face on
bounce back queen
so i can only do one thing
to take my place i earned...
i helped enough people for a million lifetimes
i helped for hope and joy and marching on defiant
i did it for 8760 days
enough now mummy

its too much
i am tired now
i lost my youth
my babies
my sex
my back log
acute crippling daily pain just isnt sexy...

he'll keep pushing me
because of love
he is an angel of butter and bone
we will be together for all eternity
but for now....
i'll take a hard bang down the throat
of this wagnerian singer that never was
and should have been.
never was anything.
and so should have been.
and never will be now.

do you know, i doubt golden balls would even notice the bullet
he would be so busy banging on about himself
so loud
talking at bono or dylan or some other total cock (probably himself)