The joy

I cannot do it anymore
Because I am with him
I sometimes want to
But most control it
want to but I cannot now
I try to keep my word

And I see the light
Thru the gap in the tree
And it sears thru me
Like an arrow of White heat
A little one, tiny almost
Just enough to make me fall
I can't do it because of this idea
That I just can't put into words
I would Love to

The wind is in from Africa
And washes my hair with sand
I bend and dance freely
Thru the waves
And run around away from you.
Then you can't go away from me

I am a piece of a mermaid really.
Not the whole
Just a piece

I smiled when saw a little boy
Who giggled dribbling in the store
He smacked a strangers bum for fun
She didn't even notice him
He wiped his nose and looked around
And only I was looking there
We had this secret and we knew
The secret then of life
My heart was full of joy
I'm smiling as I write

It was one of the three times I ever felt true unrestricted unquestioned unfettered joy in my life.
I touched my centre
I touched god.
The joy, the joy, the joy.

I cannot do it anymore though
But not cos it's a sin
I cannot end my own life now
Because I am with him.