Saturday, August 13, 2011

worth a look

suddenly i shoot up all erect and shocked... forget why...  it's all murky now... another day of being me... the utter ease and joy of it all... for i am the girl with everything... beautiful room, sunshine streaming in and shutters like i'd always dreamed... and smiling because he was here... and he will be here soon once more... dancing round my room with me, both on tippy toes... laughing... painting magic circles in the air...  the room is spinning round ever faster, and yet a glass of water never spills! but not this this time, not with joy and seduction do i play the whirling girl... more with pain in my eyes and jaw... i cannot lift my arms at all... and foggy sounds, i hear doves crying... i am dripping golden stuff from my arms, my eyes feel blue not green at all...  they're getting wider still and wider... don't let me be one of those japanese cartoon girls, i do hate them so... and hello kitty? kill that bitch! just watch me dance and dance again... i suppose i'm staggering, i don't know because the mirrors don't reflect me or even what might have been and please God, please don't let them reflect what is to come, for i don't want to know... whirling emma... dizzy girl dancing... gotta find a doctor dear... hushed tones, sound like smashing glass... louder than a scream they are unto my hedgehog ears ! i hear some sounds but they're all discords, just cant please my ears today... it's not horror film, it's worse, a grazed despondent fairy tale... like a 1950s woman, picture perfect then smearing her blood red lipstick all across her face, her eye black dripping down onto her white taffeta frock... and in the ballroom all the women are like it... hundreds and thousands, doing all the same, you see... all wearing white... all in taffeta... still dancing but all over each other on the floor, men are watching, terrified as women take over their pole positions... for them, it's hell on earth, you see.... one big stepford atrophy... one by one their futures spike as i am dancing... lost my red shoes, bare foot's hardcore... i am going higher and higher. my ribbons, intertwining, gosh my room's a maypole now... ribbons pulling round my neck and hooked round the door knob, round the hat stand, round the standard lamp, round the bed post round and round my throat now... but i am a singer! i'm dancing, dancing, fizzy inside... but i tell you every tiny bubble, electric shock... it's pricking me inside my skin, ah molten lava stabbing hard into my veins while i am dancing, imogen dancing, where's he gone now... dancing, dancing, emma dancing keep on dancing then it will go... give it to me, let me grab it, give it to me, all of it, now!... the grace to stop. the gift of calm, oh! all i want is some control! dancing girl afraid and hating, i think she'd quit to make it go. who's that girl i see in my palm and why is my hand reflecting now? i try to find my body, i cant, no, i cant feel a hip or a breast or a jaw line, it's just a long pole of hot metal and white stuff... all this dancing is driving her mad... the playback is worth a look