Sunday, August 7, 2011

more than nothing but less than something

well its the morning, well its 15 32, but feels like it, and i am in an amazonian rainforest... it's nice... must NOT scratch mosquito bites, must NOT scratch mosquito bites, must NOT scratch mosquito bites... i have scars from years ago when i couldn't control my endless scratching... maybe it fulfilled a physical pleasure gap in my life... i know he is always making ''darling don't scratch your skin... it's for your own good'' faces... across tables, in bed, watching films, when i am practising, when he is cooking... anyhow, where was i...  oh yeah, its nice in this amazonian rainforest... it's very green, nice smells, perhaps i should get some amazonian type clothes, to fit in, or read more maya angelou and listen to more jessye norman (amen) , in fact,  have a jungle themed make up purse, not currently full of chanel, but lillets, bet they don't have those in the jungle, mind you, i don't think animules need them do they? no, they just bleed a go-go where they so choose... hither and yon, thither and ... thon ?... must not scratch bites, must not scratch bites, hey, i don't know how you ''follow'' someone's blog and i WISH it weren't called 'blog' its such an ugly word. bleurog... couldn't it be called 'life log' (presumably it would then be shortened to ''flog'', lifelog, as blog is apparently short for web log, hence, blog.) i just spoke to my king, my helicopter, my dad, with whom i am so close i think certain friends may have thought it was unhealthy, but i couldn't care less. jealousy if you ask me. we have a special understanding. and that is a gift. they never really cut the cord with my mother either. ours is an entirely different bond. and of course, nobody thinks that is unhealthy. cos it's perceived as normal to be incredibly close to ones mum. typical. pathetic hand me down judgements. like hand me down knickers or diapers. i spit at such notions. shall i spit in the nappies, to be more hygienic, then we can kill two birds with one stone, or throw the baby out with the bath water... no, that can't be going to be right, hang on... let's think of more dodgy... sayings... (that's not the word, it'll come to me later.) i wonder if i shall write today, i am not sure, i am not as depressed as i might be, therefore i don't really feel connected, i could try to write a happy poem... thing is, when you're are ok, even happy, you just wanna go and and enjoy being happy, there is no time for sitting alone analyzing and connecting with other worlds... i might give it a go, and then i can tell you how it went... it if brings me down, either cos what i wrote is really good and typically sad stuff, or really bad happy stuff, then i will have a massive moral dilemma. creating art or being happy. sadly, i know which i would choose without even having to think about it. i will leave happy to other people and give what i have been given to the world. oh god, on that note, i need to go and look for plasters, cos i have scratched my legs raw and they are all bleeding. now, where did i put ... oh shit, i will never find them.