Wednesday, August 10, 2011


wake up get up what's the time did i want to wake up or would i rather have stayed asleep how depressing is that oh i can sleep for hours i slept for 14 last night he's out tonight on the beach in sardinia then going for drinks with life long friends it' just so nice... i am lying here when i should be there... i'm aching to death with a sinus infection feeling like shit and very low..''it lays you low''...I DO ACTUALLY KNOW...i cant, when i just wake up, i cant stop to form thoughts or sentences. i cant punctuate in my head. i cant stop. i just know how i feel. chirpy usually. sometimes thoughts then jump. a lot. i wonder what it would be like to be born with two sets of genitals... you know how confused teenagers get? well i bet it's bloody confusing for this lot! god i would love some chocolate. i am such an addict. my friend phil is low today. and hides it well, as i do. wake up get up have a day go to sleep wake up get up have a day go to sleep wake up get up have a day go to bed. the relief of going to bed . wow. still 'going to' bed is one step form not being able to get up out of it, to get back into it .

i keep thinking about those chavs who are violating and looting and have no respect or gratitude. i get angry, i am angry. i am actively angry. what can i do? my friends living in london, manchester,all those cities... horrendous. i am so glad my family is so wide spread. tuscany. new york. philadelphia. hastings.
oh, and bologna (me) what's all this i am hearing on tv about an 'optimum weight' for a woman. when she is dieting. what bollocks. the optimum weight for a woman is as tiny as she can get without dying. but making life a misery is totally acceptable. and everyone else's. i wonder if they even know where the hoodie culture started? i wonder if they know what it's about. i wonder if they would be interested. i wonder how they can afford their drugs. i wonder how they afford tvs, dvds, hoovers, washing machines, tumble dryers, ( hey, how can they understand how to set it up. i am pretty on the ball i cant. plus. i have the bonus of being able to read... ) hair straighteners, fridge freezers, computers... cos you can bet your pc world that they all have them...they just want more. it's just disgusting and makes me ashamed to be british. unfortunately. that makes me sad but it makes me feel grown up. grown up. now that is a hard concept to grasp. grown up really means grown away doesn't it.

reminds me of a female chum of mine and she was so sad bout her two boys leaving home and going to university...and she made it clear both to them, making them feel guilty, and to her world at large. but how selfish! what about being excited for them. my mum was thrilled when we all flew away to study dance, singing, etc...of course she missed us, but it was the loving response . or maybe she just didn't love us and wanted to concentrate on the flower festival and her ann summers parties. i feel i must alert you to the fact that,  if you knew my mum, you would really howl with laughter at that.

i cant be left to my imagination. don't do it. if you care for me. wake me up. get me up. have a speeded up day as fast as possible . go to bed. wake up. get up. have a day. go to bed. wake up. get up. have a day. go to bed...